by Drunkey McGee

I’ve had bottles in front of me all my life. So, I’m sick and tired of drinkin’ and being drunk. I gotta make a change in my life. Every fuckin’ day it’s the same ‘ol thing…drink drink drink. I’m ready for somethin’ new.

My friends think I’m just kidding around, but I’m serious! I’d rather have a frontal lobotomy than a bottle in front of me.

My friends thought I had the saying backwards. I was quick to remind them that I didn’t. I REALLY WANT to get one. I’m not even sure what a lobotomy is, but it can’t be that bad. It’s gotta be better than being drunk for 38 years, right?

You see, when you’ve been drinking as long as I have, it’s not easy to just give it up. We’re talking about a 38-year old habit. I have cocktails for breakfast, beers for lunch, and if I’m trying to be healthy, I’ll have a few bottles of red wine for dinner…you know, to keep my heart healthy and all.

My friends keep trying to talk me out of it. But what would they know? They’re all drunks too! I’ve been drunk a lot longer than them, so I think I would know better!

Heck, after I finish off this case of beer, I’m going to the doctor and I’m gonna let him know what I want. I’m gonna be a new man! I might even get a job or something, who knows?!